To those who haven’t been caught up in the fuss, Plurk is a new microblogging service and rival to Twitter. Users are invited to post about what they’re doing using one of 15 verb prefixes, including ‘loves’, ‘is’, ‘thinks’ and ‘shares’. Indeed, it has found itself so successful among disenchanted Twitterati that Plurk has decided to introduce 15 new verb options. These are:
smokes – e.g. “ryanlimsmokes another wimpy rollup”. In an attempt to generate revenue, users will be charged a 15% tax on every smoke-Plurk. However, due to health and safety regulations they will not be able to smoke-Plurk indoors.
shouts – for users who accidentally leave caps lock on. e.g. “ryanlimshouts GOING HOME NOW”.
lies – for double-bluffing Plurk users.
lurks – for users who are only there to read other Plurks. Lurk-Plurks are invisible.
waffles – for users who, even with a 140 character limit, still manage to talk too much.
dies – for users who smoke-Plurk 60 times a day.
rhymes – for hip hop artists, poets and drunkards.
impersonates – for identity thieves.
mutters – for users who really don’t want to be heard. mutter-Plurks disappear after two seconds.
reincarnates – depending on a user’s karma score, they may be reincarnated as follows:
0.00 to 21.00: a bee
21.00 to 41.00: a big bee
41.00 to 61.00: a wasp
61.00 to 81.00: a small mammal
81.00 to 100.00: a drummer in a tribute band
steals – Plurk “warns users that valuables are left on Plurk at their own risk”.
denies – for users who have been accused of steal-Plurking and Plurk-lying.
shags – Plurk-porn is a further business model being considered by the founders, who promise shag-Plurks will be done tastefully and with great lighting.
gloats – for users with inordinately high karma scores
leaves – for Plurkers who have decided one Twitter service is enough.
Identified by KerryJ, sufferers exhibit intense feelings of alienation after missing out on viral ‘event’, e.g. Twitter Cartoon Day. See also: FOOcamp anxiety.
Wit Anxiety Gloom Syndrome (WAGS)
Identified by Sarah Hartley: “The sufferer feels what they have to add to the world is so humourous it must be shared – but only after every one of the 140 characters has been considered in depth. Stems from a deep-rooted phobia of “comment shame”.”
Community Disconnection Attack
Patient experiences disorientation upon becoming stranded from social media ‘anchors’ such as Facebook groups, Twitter, blog community etc. Triggers include: service outage; power or battery failure; loss of wifi signal.
User Account Phantasm
Patient is haunted by the ghosts of user accounts created but never used, or long since abandoned. Symptoms include random friend invites from imaginary MySpace users; emails from Plaxo; and Pownce files from the ghostly Dave Winer.