To those who haven’t been caught up in the fuss, Plurk is a new microblogging service and rival to Twitter. Users are invited to post about what they’re doing using one of 15 verb prefixes, including ‘loves’, ‘is’, ‘thinks’ and ‘shares’. Indeed, it has found itself so successful among disenchanted Twitterati that Plurk has decided to introduce 15 new verb options. These are:

1. smokes – e.g. “ryanlim smokes another wimpy rollup”. In an attempt to generate revenue, users will be charged a 15% tax on every smoke-Plurk. However, due to health and safety regulations they will not be able to smoke-Plurk indoors.
2. shouts – for users who accidentally leave caps lock on. e.g. “ryanlim shouts GOING HOME NOW”.
3. lies – for double-bluffing Plurk users.
4. lurks – for users who are only there to read other Plurks. Lurk-Plurks are invisible.
5. waffles – for users who, even with a 140 character limit, still manage to talk too much.
6. dies – for users who smoke-Plurk 60 times a day.
7. rhymes – for hip hop artists, poets and drunkards.
8. impersonates – for identity thieves.
9. mutters – for users who really don’t want to be heard. mutter-Plurks disappear after two seconds.
10. reincarnates – depending on a user’s karma score, they may be reincarnated as follows:
    • 0.00 to 21.00: a bee
    • 21.00 to 41.00: a big bee
    • 41.00 to 61.00: a wasp
    • 61.00 to 81.00: a small mammal
    • 81.00 to 100.00: a drummer in a tribute band
11. steals – Plurk “warns users that valuables are left on Plurk at their own risk”.
12. denies – for users who have been accused of steal-Plurking and Plurk-lying.
13. shags – Plurk-porn is a further business model being considered by the founders, who promise shag-Plurks will be done tastefully and with great lighting.
14. gloats – for users with inordinately high karma scores
15. leaves – for Plurkers who have decided one Twitter service is enough.

Paul Bradshaw